Posted by: deutlich | June 24, 2008

Reason Number 643,813,672,149 Cubicles Suck

Like the majority of us lemmings working in the Corporate Machine, I work in a lame ass cubicle. The joys of this issue include overhearing everything, including the Old Fart’s farts, personal conversations and discussions amongst the “Upper Echelon” about any and everything, including the Old Fart’s uncontrollable bowel movements.

It’s great fun.

The thing that sucks pretty hardcore is that our ears have become fine tuned to all noises around us. Thanks to the beauty that is the Cubie, people can very easily sneak up on you while your blogging, emailing or just digging in your ass.

I hate that.

It’s gotten to a point where I know who’s footsteps belong to who. The summer is the best time for this because everyone and their mama is exposing their fugly feet with flip flops.

Anyway.

My chair makes noises. I had switched it out for another one for the majority of my tenure here, but it hurt my ass cheeks and my back.

No bueno.

While the new chair is splendidly fantastic with it’s back support, it’s not made of leather. I don’t particularly care about that, actually. I just don’t like the loud “PPHHHFFFTT” noises it makes when I happen to adjust my posture.

It’s loud as hell and makes me sound like I have cronic flatulence issues.

Then I have to bounce around in my chair to continue the horrible noises so people know it’s me adjusting my seat and not ripping a gas bubble.

Oh, the joys of Cube Life.

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Responses

I love how when I take a personal call, all of a sudden people stop typing and the office goes quiet…

Also I think I am the office bad guy so I am pretty sire the other cube dwellers are out for blood…

By: Matt on June 24, 2008
at 12:40 pm

Look on the bright side. If you do rip a gas bubble ppl won know if it’s really you or just your chair… so I say let ‘er rip!

By: mentalthreesixty on June 24, 2008
at 1:00 pm

Don’t be ashamed of having a farting problem, there’s no need to make up this elaborate excuse.

By: apollocreed on June 24, 2008
at 1:02 pm

I, too, have a chair that makes loud noises when I sit/adjust it. Except, it sounds like a trumpet. So everyone knows when I take a seat because my chair trumpets loud and clear.

By: JB on June 24, 2008
at 2:12 pm

cubicles definitely suck, so i’m glad i’m not in one of those anymore.

but about adjusting your chair, don’t you at least enjoy the bouncing to cover up? you could make it into a game! or not. just trying to find a silver lining here.

By: nico on June 24, 2008
at 2:15 pm

Invest in a yoga ball to replace your chair! It’ll be the best change ever.

By: so@24 on June 24, 2008
at 2:15 pm

I totally feel you on the farty-sound chair. Mine doesn’t happen too often but I totally roll around when it does just to let everyone know that it’s the chair and not me.

By: Arielle on June 24, 2008
at 2:15 pm

reason number 643,813,672,149 that you need to start looking for new employment… but I’m not trying to nag ;)

By: specialk5477 on June 24, 2008
at 2:20 pm

None of that sounds like fun. Over here, it’s having to listen to mind numbing conversations, hearing the biz development guy’s cell ring “beat it” every five minutes, and having to listen to m cycle through the same four phrases all day “awesome!” “thanks *so* much for your help!” “I’m totally pumped!” “you are *so* talented!”. Like chalk on a blackboard. Am counting the days till I have my four walls!! ;-)

By: verybadcat on June 24, 2008
at 2:25 pm

No, seriously, are we the same person?

It’s starting to freak me out.

I especialy hate when people sneak up on you and scare the ever-loving-shit out of you while you are busily blogging (I mean working) and you don’t have a chance to minimize your window.

I also can recognize everyone’s walking pattern. And some people’s breathing as they come by.

It’s a sad world.

By: Lindz on June 24, 2008
at 2:32 pm

He he! Almost as bad as when you squeeze out the last bits of ketchup in the plastic bottle, or of shampoo while taking a shower: “it’s not me! it’s the bottle!” *grin*

By: Technodoll on June 24, 2008
at 2:34 pm

i’m a sudden-window-minimizer par excelence. stupid cubes.

i was at a company picnic the other day and sneezed really violentlly, and some guy was like “OOHHHH now i know who you are! i hear you sneeze all the time!”

By: Alice on June 24, 2008
at 2:35 pm

my chair was stolen when the waxed the floors about two weeks back. i don’t know who took it or were it went and now i’m stuck with a far inferior chair that leans just a little to far back and freaks me the fuck out every time. i hate it

By: wishmewell on June 24, 2008
at 3:07 pm

hahahaha

it makes me laugh to think about you fake farting in your cube.

By: Maxie on June 24, 2008
at 3:39 pm

ha this is exactly why i hate cubicles too. My chair shrieks and/or has gas on an hourly occurence. Despite working with all girls I still get a lot of laughs.

Unfortunately my boss walks around SO quietly that i can never tell when he’s coming. Speaking of, i should probably stop reading blogs in case he pops his head in again….

By: Ashley on June 24, 2008
at 3:41 pm

diggin’ in my ass. that one gets me every time.

my favorite part about working in this office is that you know when people are making fun of someone else … not because they talk about it, but because all of a sudden you hear giggles and people’s fingers going 100mph on the keyboard because they’re talkin shit via AIM.

By: raych on June 24, 2008
at 3:44 pm

This does not get me excited for post-college life.

By: Sandy on June 24, 2008
at 3:48 pm

hahaha seriously. i’m so with you on this. i hated the whole sneaking up on you thing. my mouse was also hovering on the “x” button to close a window everytime i heard the slightest noise. i think i developed a nervous twitch.

By: mcgee on June 24, 2008
at 3:49 pm

I used to have a cube and I HATED how everyone was always up in my biz…I couldn’t even have a phone convo since people always had perked up ears…so annoying

By: Nachi on June 24, 2008
at 4:35 pm

i’m not in a cube, but in an office with four other people and it is sort of annoying to be able to hear everyone’s phone calls. i feel so nosy, but i can’t help it.

By: katelin on June 24, 2008
at 4:51 pm

Hahaha this cracks me up.
I’m sorry though!
The real world sucks

By: Pink ditz on June 24, 2008
at 4:53 pm

Matt - That’s my favorite.

Mental360 - Uhm. Ew.

Apollo - You would think/say that…

JB - trumpets are fun! I think?

Nico - I can’t wait to get out of mine.

So@24 - I’d fall on my ass. Daily.

Arielle - See! It’s so annoying. Argh.

Special K - Hush. Hahaha.

Verybadcat - Ugh, that would annoy the crap out of me.

Lindz - It IS a Sad World.

Technodoll - The ketchup bottle one cracks me up every time it happens.

Alice - I love Alt+Tab

Wishmewell - Stolen?! That sucks ass.

Maxie - Of course it does. Hahaha

Ashley - If I had a Quiet Boss I’d have a heart attack every 5 minutes. I jump easy.

Raych - I stopped using our version of AIM when people wouldn’t stop harrassing me. Blah.

Sandy - I can imagine.

McGee - That nervous twitch? It sucks. A lot.

Nachi - That’s the worst part. Someone’s always got something to say. Argh.

Katelin - I hate when I’m forced to overhear things. That is equally as annoying as making sounds others overhear.

Pink Ditz - The real world DOES suck. A lot.

By: deutlich on June 24, 2008
at 4:55 pm

You make me laugh. :-)

Cubes are the devil’s invention for sure though. Makes me feel like a hamster…

By: Sassy on June 24, 2008
at 4:57 pm

I hate chairs like that! So embarrassing.

By: e. on June 24, 2008
at 5:50 pm

Haha. Actually laughing out loud at the thought of you bouncing on your chair pretending to adjust your chair very loudly just in case anyone thought otherwise!

By: L.C.T. on June 24, 2008
at 5:54 pm

Are you close to a window though? That would make up for the cubicle.

By: Allison on June 24, 2008
at 6:01 pm

I don’t work in an office, but I have in the past and remember the awful cubicles. Of course, I had an asshat of a boss who unilaterally decided to spy on all us employees by installing video cameras over every single cubicle in the office. Needless to say, I hated that bastard.

By: Phil on June 24, 2008
at 6:44 pm

ok so here is my pro cube thinking…

i work in an open workspace environment. no cubes, no walls

read: NO PRIVACY.

sometimes i wish i had a button on my desk that i could push to close me in when i want to.

By: alexa on June 24, 2008
at 7:28 pm

the chair thing is unfortunate. the cube i had at my last job made me have my back to the hallway that everyone walked through. people were always scaring me when they dropped by because i couldn’t see them. want another reasons cubes suck? apparently it’s more likely that your boobs sag if you have a desk job.

By: Vanessa on June 24, 2008
at 9:52 pm

Yeah I totes need to get a mirror for my cube to see people approaching. When I’m in zone-out iPod mode I nearly get caught doing non-work things all the time.

By: Jessica on June 24, 2008
at 10:45 pm

We have an open office, so we can hear everything… I have to be really sneaky if I want to use the internet at work - I watch for people’s reflections when I hear the door open or hear footprints (then I minimize the screen or whatnot)!

By: kilax on June 24, 2008
at 10:50 pm

bwahaha with the chair noises! … but really, I do know where you’re coming from on this one. I hate chairs like that, but they are always the most comfortable :(

By: Z on June 25, 2008
at 7:35 am

Mwuahahahaha!

Is it evil that I’m laughing?

By: Kali on June 25, 2008
at 8:58 am

Oh yes. Cubicles suck ass. I’m sorry that you have to stare at that all day. It will get better…it will.

By: ashley on June 25, 2008
at 9:33 am

Ha! I’m the same way with knowing whose footsteps are whose. I hate when people sneak up on me.

By: Katie on June 25, 2008
at 11:07 am

Just wait until to graduate into an office, the productivity killer.

By: Dolce on June 25, 2008
at 11:43 am

Old Fart’s farts. I’m still cracking up at that.

By: rs27 on June 25, 2008
at 12:22 pm

I read this as reason 643,813,672,149 Cubbies Suck and was like YES, even she knows they suck and isn’t even in Chicago!

Fail.

By: Jamie on June 25, 2008
at 1:46 pm

There is a lady who sits near me who walks behind me all.the.fucking.time. Not only does she walk behind me, but she stares at my computer screen, too. Normally I don’t care, but she’s one of the old-timers in the office and doesn’t “get on the internet at work because blah blah blah blah”. Alt+Tab is my only saving grace and I hate her with a passion.

By: Sicilian Mama on June 25, 2008
at 1:49 pm

The sneaking up on me part is the worst. My cubie faces the rest of the office so i can like peak around to see who’s coming. But somehow they bought ninja boots or something cuz they still end up behind me and i hear that low tone voice say “what are you doing”

By: Jon Bishop on June 25, 2008
at 2:49 pm

I wish my cubicle had a door and a roof on it. Like Dilbert I should use all the extra binders in the office to make my cube into a fort.

By: Dan Mega on June 25, 2008
at 4:39 pm

I was in a cubicle for a couple of weeks once. It was definitely interesting. Work your way to a corner office!! :)

By: Jamie on June 25, 2008
at 4:58 pm

Ugh, I hate feet so much… that’s why I love it when I work places that enforce a closed toe shoes policy, ha!

By: Wickedly Scarlett on June 25, 2008
at 5:39 pm

You should sit on a Whoppie Cushion everyday when you first get to work!

By: LJ on June 25, 2008
at 11:17 pm

so glad im not in a cubicle!

By: wanderingtex on June 26, 2008
at 5:21 am

Sassy - YAY!

E - It really is :(

LCT - Dude, it happens so often in the day that it’s starting to become “normal” Oy.

Allison - Not exactly. I wish.

Phil - CAMERAS?! that’s fucking lame.

Alexa - I think I might be more productive if it were an open space.. but it WOULD suck if you don’t like your coworkers. Oy

Vanessa - boooooh to sagging boobs.

Jessica - I jump really easily myself. No bueno.

Kilax - I swear, we’re all going to develop a nervous tick.

Z - Exactly. Booh.

Kali - Not at all. Hahaha.

Ashley - Yes! With a new job! Ha! Soon. I hope.

Katie - Ugh. Me too.

Dolce - I used to have one of those suckers… I miss it.

RS - Glad I can provide some laughs.

Jamie - I <3 you

Sicilian Mama - I’d say something to her. It’s not beneath me to be a mean ass.

Jon Bishop - I hate the sneaky folks.

Dan Mega - A door and a roof? That would be hotness.

Jamie - I’m working my way to a new job. Ha!

Wickedly Scarlett - I HATE feet. Seriously. Ew.

LJ - I love it.

Tex - Yeah dude. It’s lame.

By: deutlich on June 26, 2008
at 9:45 am

Hilarious! I hate when ppl sneak up, it’s the worst.

By: Passionista on June 26, 2008
at 12:00 pm

Im a grown man and I still think farts are freakin hillarious.

By: minista on June 26, 2008
at 4:16 pm

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